Loving ... Learning ... Lessons

I realize I haven’t shared much of what has been going on recently and I’m sorry for that. I just posted an entry last night, but I wanted to post another one quickly- I feel that an explanation or “progress report” is needed.

While much of my frustration and sorrow the past few weeks has been due to “Culture Shock”, it’s actually more than just that. About week 4 ½ is when culture shock hit, then at the week 5 mark everything else hit and I wasn’t (to go along with expectations) expecting it. I guess I expected other things to happen and for God to work in other areas of my life- things I wanted him to work on with me. Why do we (well I guess I can only speak for myself) think that we know exactly what we need?

The main thing I’ve struggled with this past year at Biola has been with academics. No, I didn’t flunk out of my third year of school (first year as a transfer at Biola) don’t worry. Actually I did surprisingly well. Of course all of us college students wish we took some classes more seriously sometimes, but hey, we have to have a little fun right? It’s in our job description. Anyway … Biola has been amazing and I wouldn’t take back any of this past year. But to be honest it was a rough year fighting the feelings of inadequacy. I feel like I am so far behind everyone else in my classes; bible and international development. It’s frustrating feeling like I’m not smart enough, that I’m not cut out to do development work, and that what I’m doing now is useless here in Rwanda.

But then that one person comes along (Toby) who tells me that what I’m feeling are lies from the world and from Satan. It’s a battle he helps me fight usually every week at school, and it’ll take a while to overcome, but I’m ok with this “process of developing”. Thanks Tobe ;)

So how does this relate to Rwanda and what’s going on here? Well …

My job/internship kinda went downhill and I began to feel an incredible amount of disappointment. I was already disappointed with myself for allowing my frustration with cultural differences get the best of me, but on top of that I began feeling disappointed with my internship and that I wasn’t getting “the most” out of it. Before coming here I thought, “Yes! This summer is my chance to catch up so I can participate in discussions in my development classes next year instead of sitting there hoping Dr. Greene won’t call on me.” I felt like everything that was happening with my “job” was out of my control.

I told you my work in Cyeza and with Mechtild got really slow for a couple weeks while she had other activities to do and meetings to be at. For days all I would write about in my journal was how bored I was and frustrated that I wasn’t able to go anywhere myself. It really wasn’t “safe” for me to try to go out and find other ways to be productive in the community. But being inside all day wasn’t my idea of fun. Then when I tried to fix the situation and make a change I got denied and that's when I felt like I was at my ultimate low here. I was overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted and drained. For a while, probably too long, I was angry with the world and with God. How could He tell me to come to Rwanda then leave me out here feeling like this was a wasted summer? Is it a wasted summer?

Absolutely not!

(On a side note real quick … I just want to remind you how hard this is writing to you, my sponsor, my friend, my family. You have supported me financially, emotionally, and spiritually and the last thing I want is for my honesty to make you feel is that your investment in me has been taken to the dumps. It certainly hasn’t. I feel like sometimes I don’t always understand why things happen the way they do until some time has passed. Sometimes it takes longer than other times, but already at the beginning of this week I am starting to come out of this “slump”). With that said …

From the small lens I’m able to see my life through, I know that God did bring me here to Rwanda for a reason. Maybe it was for development reasons that I’m unaware of at the moment. Maybe this experience got my foot in the door for a future job after I graduate next May. Or maybe it has been for some other significant event that will take place in the future. I mean … I have learned a lot about Rwanda and development in the community I work in. I think it just wasn’t the full experience of planning and assessment like I thought it would be- like what I learned in school and saw some other interns here experiencing. Apart from the job … God has been working in many ways.

Without spilling out all my struggles in life on you, I’ll say that through this experience I’ve learned a lot. (Maybe I’ll go more in depth in a couple days when I do my “wrap it up” shpeal). But the two main things I have been learning about here the past 7 weeks are love and patience. The two kinda go hand in hand. Love without patience is not really love. Our Great God calls us to love Him and love others. So many times I look back, this summer and before, on all the times I’ve failed at being patient; I’ve failed at loving. Is it really so difficult for me to do? Ya, actually it is … But the first step has been the Lord revealing that to me and putting me in situations (little by little) and showing me ways to practice loving Him and people through patience. Especially with the job situation and things "not going my way" ... He's showing me how I should be practicing patience- by putting my trust in God for He will work all things out for the good and for His glory!

I’m smiling this week. I don’t remember laughing or showing much emotion a couple weeks ago or even last week, but God is working in my heart and waking me up everyday whispering in my ear, “Kristina, today is a new day!” And I am so thankful that His mercies are new every morning. It's a pretty incredible thing if you think about it.

There is more in this world than my cares and worries. There is a world out there full of people who need to hear the word of God and come to experience Christ’s love for them and the desire He has to save their lives from the bondage of sin and death that we cannot deny we live in everyday. This world, both believers and non-believers can experience our Lord’s grace today and every day for the rest of their lives if they choose to. I hope and pray for our Maker, Creator, and Savior to dwell in you today and be your ultimate provider for your daily needs. Allow Him to work in your heart like He is working in mine today. He is good … trust in our Father in Heaven.

What is going on? "Culture Shock" maybe?

This was written to be posted about a week ago, but I haven’t had internet at all … This is a long one … get ready!

So I haven’t written a blog in a while … I bet ya haven’t noticed, right? Sorry :/

Where to start … I’m really not sure where I’m going to go with all these things running through my head right now, but bare with me. It could be one of my famous Kristina stories that makes no sense and goes on forever (actually I can bet on that) or it will be a serious and probably confusing explanation of a bunch of random things.

Not including this week, but the last two weeks I have hardly done anything at work. The CDP promoters have some sponsorship deadlines they have to meet by August 1^st, so they all have been hurrying to get that stuff done. With 300 children Mechtild is in charge of … well, it difficult to find the time. I don’t blame her for not making my internship a high priority on her list. As a result of all this, she has had to call me several mornings and tell me not to come into Cyeza community because I would be bored watching her translate letters. A few times, however, I have gone in and helped her by taking pictures of some of the sponsor CDP kids. I probably took 25 pictures in all to help update the “Case History” packet that sponsors get about his child. Most pictures were at Cyeza, but some we had to travel to other areas because kids had moved. And this, I think, is when it all began.

A couple weeks ago is when I noticed “something” change inside me. I just felt different. It was the day we had to travel south about 30 minutes in a taxi to the Ruhango area to take pictures of a couple sponsored girls in secondary school (high school). This was the last picture we needed to get for the day. We had already gotten two; one from a girl in secondary school closer to Gitarama, and the other at a primary school (elementary) just in between the two.

I didn’t bother me the first couple weeks of being here … probably because it was all just so new and exciting still, but even then I noticed it. I noticed the stares, the laughs, and the look of irritation on the Rwandan’s faces when we couldn’t understand them in either of their languages: Kinyarwanda and French. In the beginning all I noticed were the stares and although I didn’t expect them, I understood why I was getting them. I mean … I am a mizungoo and it doesn’t make much sense to them that a bunch of white people are there in their country, their town, their home. Most of the time the stares were in shock- some were delighted to see us and welcomed us with open arms, other times I feel like they are glares. This all sounds ridiculous even as I’m typing it, but it’s how I have been feeling. I get the stares from the women mainly, and that one day I just about lost my “cool” with it all.

Expectations … a word I’ve come to be hesitant to use since the 3^rd of June. I’ve been confused about whether or not it is good/bad, ok/not ok to have expectations. Since the day I found out that I was accepted as an intern I had expectations about this summer. I had expectations about Africa in general mainly- the people, the food, the WEATHER mainly, and the wildlife. I had some expectations, not many, about the internship- I actually thought that I would be sleeping on a hard ground every night. On the phone interview I had while applying I remember being asked if I could do that or if I would mind sleeping on the ground a couple nights … that put the expectation in my mind-ya. But these expectations I had were neither good, nor bad. They were simply ideas of what I thought this summer would be somewhat like.

This past year I learned an incredible amount of information about experiences oversees and in other cultures. Whether through just traveling or missionary work, people are pretty much guaranteed to experience some kind of culture shock. I thought I had mentally prepared myself for this summer. I thought, “There’s no way I’m going to get ‘culture shock’ … that’s only for people who don’t really know what it is. Boy was I wrong. I realized a couple weeks ago that there’s pretty much no avoiding it. No matter how much I prayed for myself or had others pray for me, no matter how much I prepared myself for drastic situations, no matter how much I talked to people here about what I was going through … I still got it. Culture Shock … yep, that’s it and it’s the most frustrating thing for me.

If you know me you know that I love to experience new things. Sure most of the time it’s scary for me. Usually I get so nervous about meeting new people that by the time they’re right in front of me I can hardly get a full sentence out of my mouth which makes my face turn red which … is just a mess, don’t ask. But despite how nerveracking all of that is for me … I will NEVER pass up an opportunity to try new things and travel and see the world, the beautiful creation that God has made for us, His people!

So lets recap all this … for both of us …

I’ve experienced culture shock. I once didn’t mind the stares and the hundreds of kids running up to me everyday wanting to hold my hand, walk with me, and talk to me. I used to laugh with the people who were laughing at me because of the differences in clothing, ideas, food, etc. In the beginning I felt bad when I saw the irritations on peoples faces when they found out I came to their country, but couldn’t speak either of their languages.

Now, to be honest, I hardly want to come out of my own room. I walk down the road and look at my feet because I’m tired of the stares from people on the street I’m walking down, of the laughs from teenage girls about whatever they just laughed at me for, of the glares from the women who I am sitting next to in a taxi, and of the children who say, “Give me my money” as I’m trying to just get home. I have to fight the urge inside of me to just ignore these people. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t.

You have no idea how difficult it is for me to write all this right now. I’ve read all of your comments, e-mails, and notes on my wall on facebook about how proud you are of me- about how I have a good heart and I’m such a nice a caring person who is making a difference in these peoples lives. If I’m honest I’d tell you that I cry every time I read those. I feel like I am doing the exact opposite of all of those things. I think about how I’m really feeling and my attitude and what my actions are saying. I think about that one kid who just wanted to hear me, a white person, say “Fine, thank you. How are you?” to his “Hello, how are you?” He even tried to talk to me in MY language. It breaks my heart to think about all the people here I have probably disappointed and hurt. If I could I would take it all back.

This was all I wrote a couple weeks ago. I realized I got to 3 pages and I tried to wrap it up, but it didn’t work. I guess I just left it at this … kinda cut off, sorry.

I’m in Kigali for the rest of my stay here until Tuesday, so I’ll post again tomorrow sometime since I have the day off. Thanks for reading and caring so much. You all are such a blessing and I thank you for your prayers and concern for my safety here! I love you all.

Pictures Pictures!!

Em, Me, Alana, and Julie at the Gitarama guesthouse

Some cute girls I always see on the road to office

"My boy" taking me into Cyeza Community!
Yep, THIS is how I go to work ... in a SKIRT!

Caleb, Alana, Em, and Me in Gitarama

Aaron, Me, Karen, Alana, & Caleb in front of
the guest house in Kigali

Me being weird in Gitarama one night

Alana, Me, Em & Karen in front of the Kigali guesthouse

Caleb & Me trying to figure out how to set up the camera
on that bush you see so we can all be in the picture on our hike

More cute kids I see everyday on the road to the office.
P.S. the boy I'm adopting is the one in the tank! So stinkin' cute! :)

Me with some more cute little boys.
Elisa in the middle was so cute!
On the way back from the hike he was holding my hand.
PRECIOUS!!!

P.S.

Sorry I haven't posted many pictures ... the internet takes FOREVER to do that. I really don't think I'll ever get frustrated again at our internet at home in the states for taking more than 10 seconds to load a page. I'm coming back to the U.S. with a LOT more patience with technology!! Again, sorry ... hang tight and when I go back to Kigali I'll post more there. (Next weekend).

Some random things ...

:The deal with the food here:

The food here is actually pretty “American”. They eat LOTS of carbs- I’m guessing because it fills you up fast. We have either noodles, potatoes, French fries, or rice for EVERY LUNCH & EVERY DINNER. And boy do I love it! Then we usually have some kind of vegetable like peas or green beans or carrots. Then we’ll have fish or beef (which I don’t really eat) and/or beans for protein. And Sabine, our cook here at the Gitarama guest house, is a fabulous cook as I said before. Unfortunately she is leaving this weekend, so we’re all very sad. BUT we have a new girl, Jeanine, who is learning a lot from Sabine and also cooks really good!

There are times, however, where we are a little unsure of something on the table. If that’s the case and someone asks, “Hey, what’s that?” It doesn’t matter what it is … I’ll always respond with, “That’s called ‘Good’”. Because … well, it always is! Seriously!

But you see … there’s a little bit of a problem with food and me here. No, no … not THOSE kind of problems … Sicko’s. I wouldn’t talk about that on the blog! But really, I have a problem here. I don’t know what it is, but I eat, and eat, and eat and I RARELY get full. Sometimes I think, “Hmm well maybe I should just keep eating a little less and eventually I’ll be eating the same portion size as everyone else here!” I mean, do I have a hole in my stomach or what? If it’s not that problem it’s that I eat, get full, then an hour later I’m STARVING again. But I’m really not starving … three full meals a day? :::Ya, hardly starving Kristina, hardly starving:::

:Laundry:

I’m actually really surprised you all haven’t asked about laundry. I think that’s one of the biggest shocks! Then again, maybe it’s just a shock to me. So apparently there are NO such thing as washers and dryers here. If there were, it would be called “mom” and “clothesline”. I didn’t have to do any laundry until the second week here, so Alana, Caleb, Emily and I all learned how together. We start with our own bucket of cold water, add powder soap (brand name “Naomi”), and wash away. This is going be a little hard to explain, but how we do it (or supposed to do it) is by taking a part of the material in one hand, another part in the other hand and basically rub it together as hard as you can with your knuckles. I chose not to do it this way and so far it’s working for me. My clothes are coming out decently clean, so as long as I don’t stink right!? I just feel like if I rub the material together like that then it’s just going to get really stretched out and ware the material.

Alright so that was just the washing part- now comes the rinsing! So we all share the rinse buckets. After we ring out the soapy water as much as we can, we put it in the first rinse bucket, get as much soap out as possible, then again ring it out before it goes in the last rinse bucket. I’m sure you can guess the last little step here, but just so I can fully explain my experience here … I’ll walk you through it. Finally we rinse our stuff in the third bucket, ring it out, and let it dry on the clothesline for a day or two (depending on if you’re not so smart like us and wash your clothes right before it rains). Ya … our first time washing clothes we had to wait like two and a half days. Apparently college doesn’t teach you everything these days! Well, there ya have it … good ol’ fashion laundry! Aren’t you jealous? Haha Just kidding!

:How to Comment:

I got a great response from many of you after my last blog. Thank you, thank you! You can pretty much say anything you want because I will read them all and I have been. Thanks for the compliments- I really appreciate them all! I guess I just want some feedback and hear what you all want to know about. I would assume that’s why there is that option on the website, but only for those who feel like it. No pressure- I promise!! Here’s how you do it: At the end of each blog there is a button that says “comments”. Click on it and there should be some kind of button on that page that says “post comment” and you fill out the little form and write a note. Hopefully this is right because I haven’t done it yet, but one of my friends here is telling me what to tell you! If it doesn’t work I’ll punch him in the arm- don’t worry! (Just kidding!!)

***But again, thanks to all of you who are reading and responding! I love you all so much and I miss you like crazy!

Real quick while I have a second ...

I'm not really sure how many people are reading the blogs I write, and it's totally ok if only a few are. Just wanted you to know that this is for you!! I will post a few pictures tomorrow and probably another blog. But please, please feel free to comment to the blog. (You can see a little "comment" button after you read one). Tell me what you'd like to hear more about, any questions you may have about ... well anything here, or if you have any suggestions on crazy things I could possibly try here. I can write a whole heck of a lot when I really get into it, but if it's not interesting to you I could just save all that stuff for my journal! I want to write about what you want to hear! So let me know! :)Oh ya, and there are some videos on the left that I uploaded from my camera. They say google and YouTube, but it's my stuff. The one up now is Cyeza Community (where I work). These kids were just outside and I thought it was cute, so I recorded it! Enjoy!

(A little kid was taking pictures with my camera while I was at the place I work-Cyeza. It was hilarious!)

Again I miss you all and I think about you everyday! Tell everyone I say hi and I love you all!

Life in Gitarama

At first, our team was in Kigali (the capital) for about 4 days, but as we learned more specifics about what we would be doing, we found that Alana, Emily, and myself would be working in Gitarama (a city about an hour south of Kigali). It’s without a doubt a smaller city, but at times it seems like it’s enormous. We started work the very next day, but really it was pretty much a tour of the work FHI (Food for the Hungry International) is doing in various communities. The tour was awesome! (Don’t freak out Mom) … I can’t help that the driving here in Rwanda is CRAZY! So our tour was 6 of us crammed in the back of a small Toyota pick-up truck driving around on long, windy, STEEP, pot-hole-filled, skinny, dirt roads. (Phew). Seriously, no joke. There were a couple times I thought we were for sure going to flip the truck, maybe have to bail out, but I was pretty much the only one freaking out of the 4 other girls and one guy (Caleb), so I tried to “man-up” as best as I could. (Key word: try). Anyway, we visited two schools that day. The first one you can see in the picture below. The kids here were amazing. We got out and walked around looking in the classrooms and literally the kids were hanging on us. I must have had 6 kids on each arm at one time. I was trying to catch up with the group, but I couldn’t walk- they were just too excited to see all of us!If I’m honest I’d have to admit that the first few days of my job weren’t all that great. Maybe I just had greater expectations- expectations that I shouldn’t have had. I was told that I would be following a lady named Claire around to a couple different CDP centers (Child Development Program) and shadowing her (basically). First let me try to explain a CDP center. It’s not really a center-like a building, rather it’s more like a community, a team of local leaders, teachers, and students who work with an FHI CDP promoter. The promoter is responsible for all children in the school, especially the FH sponsored children (who here are called CDP children). The promoter is supposed to do home visits when children are sick or have dropped out, when parents need to be educated on the importance of hygiene and a balanced nutrition, and other various reasons. They also meet with associations who FHI has chosen to “sponsor” and provide resources for … which I will explain a little more later.Now, I work with an AMAZING lady named Mechtild. If it weren’t for her I don’t know if I would stay here in Gitarama- I would probably go back to Kigali and tag along with another intern who is doing agriculture work. I only stayed with Claire for 4 days, because well, it just didn’t work out. So I was assigned to Mechtild. She has been working with FHI for only 2 years and the work she is doing is incredible. This lady really understands the concept of WORK!
I meet with her 4 days a week (Monday, Wednesday-Friday) because Tuesday is a day off for everyone to go to the Gachacha courts. My day starts at 7:30(ish) when I begin walking to the taxi stop (in “Ruhina”) where everyday I have to literally wave down a taxi. Once they stop I say “Chakabiri” which is the station I need them to take me to. For some reason they look at me weird like I don’t know how to say it (even though it’s one of the FEW words I actually can say correctly), so I point to it on a paper that I carry the entire time and point to the tariff. They always want to charge me double or triple the price … but I know the real price and I don’t think they like that too much. I get in by 7:50 and ride 5 minutes up the road to a gas station. I get off, pay, and cross the road to walk a couple minutes away to the bicycle stop. Here there are 10-20 boys on bicycles waiting to take you wherever you need to go. I have one boy who takes me every morning to “Cyeza” community which is a beautiful (but SCARY and BUMPY) bikeride. It’s kinda funny because everyday I have to pray on the way and ask God to help me just calm down and trust these boys who ride up and down the dirt road everyday. Seriously though, everytime I get off the bike (after the 35 minute ride) my feet and legs feel strained because they are so tense and clinched during the ride. Ahhh, anyway … It’s beautiful. When I feel brave enough I take some pictures or a video and I will have to show you later! So how much time are we at so far?? About an hour. Ok, so the bike doesn’t take me all the way to the school. You see … like I said, on the way there it is pretty much downhill except for the last 10 minutes or so to the school. So instead of him walking with me, I pay him at the bottom of the hill and I walk up a trail myself. It’s only about 10 minutes, but man is it a kicker. It beats the heck out of the stairmaster at the gym! So I finally reach the school after an hour and ten minutes!! Awesome huh? =)

Everyday is different, but typically this is what a normal day may look like. The mornings are pretty slow. Sometimes I help her with the letters children write to their sponsors or I teach for 2 hours (2 classes, one hour each-IN ENGLISH-which I can explain more about later) or we do some home visits. Why home visits? Well, it would take a LONG time to explain every reason in detail, so I will try to give the condensed version. Top priority is given to children who drop out of school. There are two main reasons these children drop; because they need to stay at home to help their parents, grandparents, or siblings with the daily chores. For various reasons, the adults cannot do all of the chores on their own, it’s just too much … so children (ages 7-14) stay home to help and often times do not come back to school. Another reason may be because the family is too poor to have their able-bodied children go to school when they could be working for money or staying at home to do chores while parents travel into town to work for money. It’s a horrible thing, I know. It is difficult for me to accept that they don’t understand that staying in school is the best thing for their children. I’m really torn on this issue because I couldn’t possible imagine what it’s like to only eat 7 meals a day. And no, not American sized meals … these are very small portions of food. Do you see how this is such a tough situation? Other reasons for home visits are that many children suffer from malnutrition, mild cases of sicknesses to severe heart problems, malaria, parasites from bad water, and bad hygiene is also a huge issue. Some children have black toenails that are falling off, have fungus growing on their shaved heads, or simply have torn and horribly dirty clothes. With all of these reasons, Mechtild goes into the home and talks to the parents and advises them on how to better care for their children.

After home visits we will eat lunch. Every morning I pack my own lunch with the same thing everyday … a peanut butter/honey sandwich, a banana, and some fruit snacks that I brought with me from Costco (thanks Mom!) There just isn’t much you can “pack”. They don’t have stuff like that here. Plus I eat a lot, so that’s why I packed so much extra food! But anyway, lunch is supposed to be 2 hours, but we usually take half hour and then pack up to meet with an association. The associations here are actually more like PTA’s but they are also “co-workers” … kinda. A group of about 15-25 parents of the CDP (sponsored by FHI) children who have joined together to find a way to make money and continue to support their family- otherwise known as a livelihood strategy (wink, wink, Dr. Greene!!!). For many families this is their only source of income and to be quite honest, it is actually working out for many of the associations. I have met with two different types of basket weaving associations, bee hive makers, modern bee hive makers, and a “banana beer” making association. Trust me though, I hear this stuff is bad news!! Stay away from banana beer- even if it does sound interesting. So when I meet with these people I usually get to hear about what they are doing with the money they are bringing in and how they plan to further advance their products to reach a larger market. It’s fascinating to hear their ideas! But then usually in the end they will ask if I have any advice for them … HA! Me ... advice for them? I’m definitely no business or marketing expert … but I usually will say a few words about the importance of working together and making sure the children are benefiting from the products as well. I was happy to hear that many of the families use the money toward buying medical insurance which is a HUGE DEAL!! I don’t know why, but even thought I have no experience in the area, I’m really feeling a tug toward going into some kind of health care development. Maybe that’s something Dr. Greene and I can talk about later when I get back to school.

So my day is almost over … By this time it’s usually about 4:00 (or 16:00 here). We head back to the school to grab our stuff and make sure we have everything, then start the trek back home on the uphill dirt road. The first few days we were fortunate enough to get a ride from some trucks that were heading that way. Other days … not so fortunate! The other day we actually walked the ENTIRE WAY back up the dirt road … a full TWO HOURS!!! I’m tellin’ ya … I’m going to be in the best shape when I get back! Haha But it’s really not that bad. We take our time and enjoy the conversations we have! AHHH she is so amazing! I wish you could meet her! Mechtild just has the most amazing heart and she truly cares for everyone and about everything the community does. She is incredibly knowledgeable and she isn’t afraid to tell parents and grandparents in the community the hard truth sometimes. She is gentle in her approach, but in her young age, only 28 years old, she understands the importance in families taking care of each others needs. She inspires me in so many ways and I truly hope to come away from this experience with even a chunk of the knowledge of and heart for development like she does.

It gets dark here around 7:00 and I usually get home at 5:30-6:00. So there ya have it … a typical work day here in Gitarama! After work I come home and either sit on the couch because I’m completely pooped, or I look in the mirror at how dark I got that day! Haha it’s actually pretty funny. I have the narliest flip flop tan lines! =) We eat AMAZING food around 7:30 which is cooked by our housekeeper Sabine (a national). This woman is a crack up! We all love her to death! She is so fun, a wonderful cook, and speaks pretty darn good English so we like to hang out with her. After we stuff our faces like typical Americans, we will either just hang out and talk, or write, or I don’t really know actually. This part is a blur to me until bed around 11:00!

Murabeho

Genocide sinking in ...

Two days after arriving in Kigali, one of the first things we all wanted to do was visit the genocide memorial. Just to give you a little background and history of Rwanda … It’s a tiny, tiny country (about the size of the state of Maryland) and it is pretty much smack dab in the middle of Africa. Rwanda is made up of three “tribes”: Hutu (85% of the population), Tutsi (14%), and TWA (1%). While there was already distinction and tension between the two main tribes, German colonizers created even more tension by in 1932 introducing I.D. cards for everyone to wear and be identified by. Maybe it doesn’t seem like a big deal to us Americans. We have different ethnicities and races in our country … But for Rwanda, outside forces set up the scene for this disastrous genocide to come. Tutsi were put in power by the colonizers because of their features; “They looked more like white people features than the Hutu features did”. For many years fighting went back and forth between the two groups, but eventually the Hutu took over when they realized they were the majority.

If you remember the Holocaust and think about how the “genocide” occurred there, you will probably immediately think about the awful brainwashing of people into thinking that Jews were not “human”. This is very similar to the situation in Rwanda. The new Hutu government and leaders in the communities insisted that Tutsi were “cockroaches” and didn’t deserve to live. They needed to be “destroyed” just like the Jews were in the 1940’s. Several years before the genocide began in 1994, Hutu made plans to get weapons like guns, clubs, machetes, and anything else they can use as a tool to carry out the job. Without going into graphic detail, but while still being honest with you, the reality is that on April 6, 1994 a genocide began on the very ground I have been walking on for a little over a week now.

No lives were spared in this act; men, women, and yes, even children’s lives were taken. On the first day alone several thousand people were killed and numbers only increased each day after that. For one hundred days, until July 17^th, 1994 Tutsi were turned in to officials by friends, in-laws, and employers. Try to imagine not knowing who to trust. Try to feel what it would be like to be in hiding for 2-3 months, in a space no bigger than a small coat closet, and fearing for your life the entire time. It’s important that the world hears about issues like the Rwandan genocide.

Our day at the memorial was tough. On the site there were about 250,000 bodies buried, only a fraction of the total 800,000 that were killed in the 100 days. This number doesn’t include the number of people who died in the Tutsi rebellion after the genocide ceased; that number was over a million people. I think about it now, exactly one week later, and I remember a quote I saw on the wall. “When they said “never again” after the Holocaust was it meant for some people and not for others?” ~ Apollon Kabahiz. What happened at this time? Why didn’t we, the most powerful nation in the world, respond? We can turn to the reason the Clinton Administration gave when they heard about the situation in Rwanda, but then again, it is in the past and now we just have to move on and help these people find healing. There are still many, many wounds to be healed here. Gachacha courts are still in progress and the communities are seeking to bring justice to the murderers, the victims, and their families.

I go back to the quote and I wonder, Is it really possible to prevent genocide from happening again- for anyone, or is it really only meant for some? The crisis in Darfur, Sudan is genocide. It has happened again. Whether the country we live in, or any other country in the world wants to recognize it or not, it is. I believe that speaking out and promoting awareness on the issue is vital! Thankfully, many people have come to this realization and have responded in various ways. But, truth is these people cannot do it alone. Obviously not everyone can physically go and help, but there are other important (just as important) ways to get involved. Supporters are necessary. By reading up on the real story of what’s going on in Sudan is a step. Also to create awareness in your workplace, school, and hangouts can help and may potentially influence communities and local governments to take action. Mainly though, these people need your prayers. They wonder every day if they will see the run rise in the morning, but if we pray for God’s protection over these people and for governments to intervene now, our Lord will hear and He will provide.

Maybe this is a little heavy … but I’m finding that it’s better to be honest, especially with ourselves, than to keep what’s real locked up inside.

The beginning ...

:Muraho:

Sorry it has taken me so long to get this thing started. I’m not about to give any excuses … but I hope you can all handle a lot of information coming all at once from now on. I do tend to write a lot, but I’ll try my best to split them up so you don’t have to sit at your computer for hours reading all this :)

The journey began on Sunday June, 3^rd at 9:45 PM where I flew to Phoenix, AZ for three days of orientation and training. I met the rest of my team there and most of the other Food for the Hungry- Phoenix based staff. The other interns I will be with are Aaron, Alana, Caleb, Emily, Jim, and Karen. All great people, from all over the U.S., and with different backgrounds and stories. It’s really great to see how we were all chosen, based on our unique gifts, to go to Rwanda together and experience what the world has to offer.

We left for Rwanda on Thursday, June 7^th at 5:30ish (PM) and after 36 hours of traveling to Denver, D.C., Rome (for a fuel stop), Addis Ababa (Ethiopia), and Nairobi, we finally made it to Kigali, Rwanda. It was a miracle that we made it there without any complications, but what was even more or a miracle was that ALL of our bags made it there!! How it happened- we will never understand. The only explanation I can give is that God heard our millions of prayers and decided to give us a break from days of stinky clothes … probably because American B.O. is so much worse than African B.O. as we have come to learn this past week. (Random and a little gross, yes, I know. Sorry about that, but it is true).

Africa definitely has a distinct smell, but it is nothing to get disgusted about. The country is absolutely beautiful. I wish you could just be here and see for yourself, but until you can take some time off to see the world, these pictures will have to do. And what’s sad is that these pictures hardly do the beauty justice. The landscape is incredible. Rwanda is known as the land of a thousand hills and let me tell you- it’s true! There are “mini” mountains and valleys filled with thousands of banana trees and so many other trees and plants. It is interesting because I expected to see so much more poverty than I have seen. Maybe it is just that I have been overlooking all of it because of the fact that the land is simply breath-taking. I really wish America looked more like Rwanda as I’m sure you would as well.

There’s something amazing about this place. I’m not sure if it’s the people, the land, the weather, or just the feel of being apart of a different culture. Whatever it is, I feel so blessed to have been able to participate in this experience. I still cannot come to grips with the fact so many people responded to my letter and have been so generous as to support me. A simple “thank you” hardly seems enough, but from the inner-most part of my heart I thank you so much. I hope you enjoy my updates and from the beginning I would like to invite you to experience this with me. It is just as much my experience as it is yours. Please feel free read more of my blogs or other books and information on Rwanda and the genocide in ‘94, look at my pictures, e-mail me (and wait maybe a day or a week for my response) or just take it all in and reflect on what is going on here.